Where has time flown
19 Mar 2008 11:01![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nephirI realized that it's been almost a year since I updated -- which really sucks. I know that I'd been steadily dropping off when I was on LJ -- somewhat because I'd changed jobs and had a little less time, but more I think due to lack of the need to write for myself.
But once again there is a crisis in my life so I turn to my journal to give myself a neutral place to scream.
Mom is dying, there is no polite way to put it, she is at the end of her life and it hurts.
My tall leggy mom who loved to work in the yard and was so physically active is only a distant memory, not only to myself but to my children who best know her in an electric chair and on oxygen.
See, she's lived the majority of her life in the San Joaquin valley, and smoked for a bit of that time. She quite after I got out of school and got married but by then it was too late and the asthma she thought she had was actually emphesyma (sic).
I cannot say that most of herhealth issues are due to the smoking, all you have to do is go around Bakersfield and look at the number of older folks that are toting O2 packs. You cannot go anywhere without seeing them, and that is saying a lot. I live in a metropolis (Seattle area) that contains 10 times the amount of people and I rarely see the same sheer numbers of folks toting O2 bottles.
Its fucking scary and one of the reasons that I moved my family away. The biggest however is that I love my birth family, but tolerance for others is not high on their list, most notably anyone of color or gay. Sad but true. And I could not raise my children in that enviroment.
Back to Mom -- so she quits smoking and then her health really starts to decline, finally ending up in a chair with O2 24/7. Over the past couple of years we've seen a trend where she'll be doing 'okay'and then end up in the hospital because her CO2 levels are too high.
Its been happening more and more frequently, until now where she's in the hospital and she's not coming out.
So I am back in Bakersfield, waiting for the end. No comments, please.
(Xposted to RavenMcsidhe)
But once again there is a crisis in my life so I turn to my journal to give myself a neutral place to scream.
Mom is dying, there is no polite way to put it, she is at the end of her life and it hurts.
My tall leggy mom who loved to work in the yard and was so physically active is only a distant memory, not only to myself but to my children who best know her in an electric chair and on oxygen.
See, she's lived the majority of her life in the San Joaquin valley, and smoked for a bit of that time. She quite after I got out of school and got married but by then it was too late and the asthma she thought she had was actually emphesyma (sic).
I cannot say that most of herhealth issues are due to the smoking, all you have to do is go around Bakersfield and look at the number of older folks that are toting O2 packs. You cannot go anywhere without seeing them, and that is saying a lot. I live in a metropolis (Seattle area) that contains 10 times the amount of people and I rarely see the same sheer numbers of folks toting O2 bottles.
Its fucking scary and one of the reasons that I moved my family away. The biggest however is that I love my birth family, but tolerance for others is not high on their list, most notably anyone of color or gay. Sad but true. And I could not raise my children in that enviroment.
Back to Mom -- so she quits smoking and then her health really starts to decline, finally ending up in a chair with O2 24/7. Over the past couple of years we've seen a trend where she'll be doing 'okay'and then end up in the hospital because her CO2 levels are too high.
Its been happening more and more frequently, until now where she's in the hospital and she's not coming out.
So I am back in Bakersfield, waiting for the end. No comments, please.
(Xposted to RavenMcsidhe)
